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j is four going on fourteen. he wants to grow his hair long, loves to drink coffee (a very weak decaf latte), wrestle, watch footy, listen to rock music, etc. etc. he is also challenging us in ways in ways i thought would only come when he became a teenager. if my husband and i are feeling this way now, what are we going to do when he really does become a teenager? i’ve felt anger like never before. the last time he hit m, our youngest, i felt an uncontrollable urge to hit him back and had to give myself a time out by locking m and myself inside my room. don’t get me wrong, he is beautiful and loving, but it’s getting to a point where his misbehaviour is beginning to overshadow all. he doesn’t randomly hurt others, and i can always see the why, but it’s the intensity of his anger that frightens me. is it normal to wonder if your child may one day become a sociopath? is he just a spirited child and we are overreacting? have i watched one too many episodes of dexter and criminal minds? when thinking about your child’s actions keeps you up at night googling “child angry” “child violent,” perhaps it’s time to seek outside counsel, which is what we’ll be doing when monday rolls around. my husband and i have said this before, usually after a particularly upsetting episode, so i am also hoping that by writing and posting this blog, i will actually take the first step in getting help.
until “monday” rolls around, i’ll continue reading a book that is giving me hope that we’ll be able to raise j to be a happy, healthy person and maybe one day i will no longer feel like “that parent,” the one always feeling the need to apologize for her child, the recipient of angry stares and shaking heads.
(the book is judy arnall’s “discipline without distress,” which came highly recommended by a close friend and is completely in line with how i’d like my husband and i to parent.)
i need a renewed sense of spirit to parenting, my children need it. my hope is that this blog will help me. it’ll be a place i can go to and be selfish, use “i” a hundred times and try and not to feel the need to apologize for doing so. my hope is that subsequent posts will be ones born out of challenges, but end in triumph, or lots of cuddles, kisses, and laughter.